Showing posts with label Stupid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Stupid. Show all posts

Monday, June 29, 2020

Wet Wipes Litter the Ground Where the Queen Vacations



Walkers are relieving themselves in the grounds of Queen Elizabeth's Scottish residence, staff have said.
Employees at Balmoral Castle, which the Queen frequently visits for holidays throughout the year, have complained about wet wipes being left on the estate and urged people not to use the spot as an outdoor toilet.
Most public facilities are closed in the United Kingdom due to the country's lockdown, but people are allowed to exercise and socialize outside, leading many to seek quiet public places if nature calls during a day out.
"Disappointed to see so many wipes discarded on the Estate today. Next to paths and monuments. Please remember there are no public toilets open for miles around at the moment," staff at Balmoral wrote.
"Part of the problem is that we are seeing a lot of non biodegradable wipes being discarded in the countryside," they added. "Also, people are choosing to relieve themselves right next to busy paths or monuments rather than move a little bit further away to avoid contamination."
A person who cleans themselves with a wet wipe is a person with a plan. Why don't we celebrate that?
If you don't want to see this trash, then put up some bins and relax.
This is a first world problem of the highest order, and who's got time for any of that right now?

Thursday, February 27, 2020

The Business Savvy President


Everything is crashing down around our Wall Street president, who just doesn't seem so business savvy these days:
Stocks fell sharply once again Thursday as investors worried that the coronavirus might be spreading in the U.S. A slew of corporate and analyst warnings also dragged down the major averages.

The Dow plunged more than 800 points, while the S&P 500 tumbled 2.9% and the Nasdaq sank 3.3%. Those losses put the Dow, S&P 500 and Nasdaq in correction territory, down more than 10% from the record highs set earlier this month.

The CDC confirmed Wednesday the first U.S. coronavirus case of unknown origin in Northern California, indicating possible “community spread” of the disease. The CDC doesn’t know exactly how the patient, a California resident, contracted the virus.
“We’re extremely cautious in the short term,” said Tom Hainlin, an investment strategist at Ascent Private Capital Management. “No one really seems to be an expert on the coronavirus. We haven’t seen anything like this really in our investing lifetimes.”
Apple, Disney and Visa were among the worst-performing Dow stocks, dropping at least 3% each. AMD and Nvidia fell 4% and 4.2%, respectively. Meanwhile, Gilead Sciences climbed 1.9% after the company announced the start of two studies for a possible coronavirus treatment.
The slow collapse of the "Trump Economy" is really the result of being handed the gains of the Obama era and then taking a massive orange dump all over everything. It is beginning to accelerate, and the fake money being pumped into the economy is going to run out faster than Larry Kudlow on a coke binge.

Trump has started trade wars, imposed tariffs, fired competent people left and right, and engaged in every pro-oligarch policy imaginable. This is literally the guy who campaigned on the idea of running America like a for-profit business venture. And instead of prosperity, we get the mother of all Trump bankruptcies. 

Hope your 401K is doing well, MAGA voters.

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Leave the Damned Owls Alone




How many posts have I had to write about this? Too many:

A Utah man is facing federal charges for allegedly chasing a barn owl with a motorized paraglider.


The United States Attorney's office in Utah on Tuesday charged Dell Schanze, 45, with two misdemeanor counts of "knowingly using an aircraft to harass wildlife" and "pursuing a migratory bird." The alleged incident happened in March, 2011.

The first count alleges that Schanze violated the Airborne Hunting Act, and count two of the document alleges Schanze violated the Migratory Bird Treaty Act. Schanze did not return a call to NBC News Thursday.


Schanze is a minor celebrity in Utah who once owned a chain of computer stores and worked as a TV pitchman. As a candidate for Utah governor, he received less than 3 percent of the vote in the 2008 election, according to NBC affiliate KSL. He also failed in a 2009 mayoral campaign.

Do you remember that scene in The Shawshank Redemption where the warden says "I'll pull you out of that one-bunk Hilton and cast you down with the Sodomites?"

That's the part of the jail where owl chasers are sent.

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Everyone Should Know the Story of Walter White




I don't pretend to understand how we are still governed by the Puritans. They were, after all, noted for their hatred of Christmas celebrations and their inability to dance.

You see, the Puritans are still running things. They have an undue amount of influence in our society. All it takes is for some mother somewhere to get upset and use the Internet and, voila, we are rolling on down a barely-there country road in New England and the horse is hacking up a lung and the disapproval of the locals is upon us. Whatever our sins, we are wrong, and the Puritans are there to remind us that fun is for sinners and sinners burn forever in Hell.

They have, for the most part, died out. But your moms is still outraged and, when she sees something she doesn't like, it tends to go viral immediately because self-important outrage is the gasoline that runs the Internet. And that's why Facebook is the Devil.

What did you win, lady? You got some toys off of the shelf. What you won was this--you made us think about Breaking Bad and you made people go tsk tsk. That's about it. You did no harm to the culture but you did make a laughingstock out of the idea that people should maybe explain why drugs are bad to their kids. An action figure is a great conversation starter. Oh, you want to talk about Heisenberg? Well, let's put in Season Four and have a look.

I would be remiss if I didn't point out that, if you don't want your dumb kids on drugs, you should show them Breaking Bad. You should acknowledge the show and the central theme it presents and you should make your dopey offspring watch it. You should introduce them to the idea that, yeah, you can do drugs and things will be fine, but if you're not careful, you'll end up like Jesse's girlfriends.

Breaking Bad should be shown in every school in America. We ought to be teaching this to our kids. We ought to use the action figures as props so we can discuss what matters. Does a barrel full of cash matter more than your family? Why not? Does selling drugs make you rich? Why does the decision to "break bad" look foolhardy and how did the show teach us that lesson? Set against the history of America after twenty years of fighting a war on drugs and the collapse of health care insurance  benefits for teachers and the desperation felt by people living in poverty, well. It's the Great American Novel, as told in blocks of TV episodes.

Someone got some phony outrage to play out in the lazy media and we're arguing about some toys? Those overpriced television show tie-in toys that feature characters that will never come out of the box and will end up in that douche's cubicle over there? Really?

As a famous philosopher said, drugs are bad, mmmkay? and Walter White is an essential American character who will end up being part of the academic history of our literature. Instead of Cotton Mather, your idiot kid and his dumb little buddies should go as Heisenberg for Halloween (good luck banning that, Principal Dumbass). They should get out their Gus Fring impression and go to town. Me, personally, I'm more of a Hank but I want to be Mike. You should be Ted Benecke or Tuco, just so everyone can praise you for your taste. Your son is Jesse because Jesse is not Junior. Your daughter can be Skyler but the old hag who pushes an ATM onto her husband is also a good choice. No television show has ever made prostitution look as unsexy as Breaking Bad. Nobody ever took the Fedora and did with it what Frank Sinatra could not. And nobody gets to be Don Eladio, friend.

Remember Hillbilly Teeth? All you need are meth teeth for the kiddos and then you've got something. The Puritans had terrible teeth. They pulled them out with pliers made out of something found under the bed in a kinky room behind the bad whorehouse outside of town. They made a fetish out of misery, and they lived their lives like the Palins but with fewer snowmobiles.

Seriously, are we that shriveled up and dead as a country? We're talking about toys and we're not talking about the failure of the War on Drugs as it relates to the destruction of at least a million lives if not more? Really?

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Antebellum is a Code Word in American History




Gawker Media, which is a big deal and can handle such things, is being told to stop referring to Blake Lively and something called Preserve LLC as fans of slavery.

Specifically, the "antebellum" slavery of the Southern United States before the outbreak of the Civil War. This would be the War of Northern Aggression that wasn't about slavery, of course, because State's Rights are all anyone ever talks about [and I am rolling my eyes].

When you count on the privileged and the wealthy class to have an ignorance of American History a mile wide, you can make money pretending things like slavery didn't happen. You can select periods of history and just copy the clothes and the look of the people. You don't do context when you have cash. You do for yourself, and that means looking your best.

Here's the context of the term "antebellum"

In the South, cotton plantations were very profitable, at least until overplanting leached most of the nutrients from the soil. Advances in processing the fiber, from Eli Whitney’s cotton gin to the development of power looms and the sewing machine, increased demand for cotton to export from the South to England and the mills of New England. Plantation owners were able to obtain large tracts of land for little money, particularly after the Indian Removal Act was passed in 1830. These plantations depended on a large force of slave labor to cultivate and harvest the crop—most white farmers in the 19th century wanted and were able to obtain their own farms as the U.S. expanded south and west, and slaves not only provided a labor source that couldn’t resign or demand higher wages, their progeny insured that labor source would continue for generations.


The demand for slave labor and the U.S. ban on importing more slaves from Africa drove up prices for slaves, making it profitable for smaller farmers in older settled areas such as Virginia to sell their slaves further south and west. Most farmers in the South had small- to medium-sized farms with few slaves, but the large plantation owner’s wealth, often reflected in the number of slaves they owned, afforded them considerable prestige and political power. As the quality of land decreased from over-cultivation, slave owners increasingly found that the majority of their wealth existed in the form of their slaves; they began looking to new lands in Texas and further west, as well as in the Caribbean and Central America, as places where they might expand their holdings and continue their way of life.

Unfortunately, the only history people know nowadays is Hitler Kinda Bad and Flares Are Out. Expecting people to understand that the "antebellum" South created a plantation class that exploited slaves, excluded poor whites, and maintained a great deal of control over the United States by playing obstructionist games in the Congress is a bit much. Look at these hats!

The word "antebellum" is a code word for when things were "right" in the South. Using it to sell clothes is akin to using it to convince people that it is your God-given right and your solemn duty to your heritage to buy and sell other human beings.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Kurt Vonnegut Couldn't Have Said it Better




When I read things like this, I can't help but wonder how much fun Kurt Vonnegut would have had with the idea that troops invading someone else's territory should be given a peace prize and that they cannot be criticized for anything at all.

Here's what he thought of indiscriminately bombing and killing people:

Every day we walked into the city and dug into basements and shelters to get the corpses out, as a sanitary measure. When we went into them, a typical shelter, an ordinary basement usually, looked like a streetcar full of people who’d simultaneously had heart failure. Just people sitting there in their chairs, all dead. A fire storm is an amazing thing. It doesn’t occur in nature. It’s fed by the tornadoes that occur in the midst of it and there isn’t a damned thing to breathe. We brought the dead out. They were loaded on wagons and taken to parks, large open areas in the city which weren’t filled with rubble. The Germans got funeral pyres going, burning the bodies to keep them from stinking and from spreading disease. 130,000 corpses were hidden underground. It was a terribly elaborate Easter egg hunt. We went to work through cordons of German soldiers. Civilians didn’t get to see what we were up to. After a few days the city began to smell, and a new technique was invented. Necessity is the mother of invention. We would bust into the shelter, gather up valuables from people’s laps without attempting identification, and turn the valuables over to guards. Then soldiers would come with a flame thrower and stand in the door and cremate the people inside. Get the gold and jewelry out and then burn everybody inside.

Clearly, humanity has jumped the shark and we're left with the crumbs at a table that hasn't been pleasantly set for a long time. Humanity is starved for substance and truth in the age of instant communication and smart phones, and a symptom of the insanity that affects us all is when far too many people accept without questioning the kind of logic displayed above. War is always a horrible, horrible last result that rarely accomplishes anything other than killing people who no one would reasonably conclude should have been killed to begin with. We're clawing at the idea of being able to believe someone about something, but the sad fact is, the only thing that sells anymore are lies.

The fellow in the suit above is one hell of a salesman for lies. He has a counterpart in a similar suit somewhere, and I wonder how ridiculous that fellow is when he talks about killing for peace.